you’re every bit like me
i think two guys were making fun of me earlier tonight.
right in front of me.
they denied it, but i still got the feeling they were.
and i let it bother me.
i don’t know why i let it bother me, but i did. i’ve never had a problem with these two guys. we’ve always been friendly, joked with each other at times, and all of that. we’d never be mistaken for friends, but we could easily be described as acquaintances.
the entire way home i was trying to figure out what they were saying before they walked by me laughing. i went through a ton of things in my head. was i dressed weird? did i have something on my face? did someone tell them something about me? did they not like me?
and that’s when i stopped.
why do i care if these guys like me? why did that thought even pop into my head? did i really care if these guys liked me? if i did, why?
when i got home a friend of mine sent me something on facebook. as we were talking, somehow it came up that he had asked someone (person a) their opinion on someone else (person b) and that he was going to ask someone else (person c) their opinion on the first someone else (person b).
yeah, it confused me too.
but more importantly, why was he asking people their opinion on someone else? why did it matter? why are we so obsessed with what people think of us and what they think of other people? i don’t get it.
i’ve always told people that i didn’t care what people thought of me, that i just did my own thing. that’s a lie. it always has been. i cared what people thought but thought they’d think i was cooler if i said i didn’t care. if i acted like i didn’t care what they thought, maybe they’d think better of me.
yes, that’s as dumb as it sounds.
i know that we all want to be wanted. that’s a given. it’s natural. i just never realized how absolutely stupid wondering what people thought of us was until tonight. so what if those two guys were making fun of me. let them. and who cares if person a doesn’t like person b. why should that change my opinion of person b? it shouldn’t.
i don’t really have a point to make right here. i just wanted to talk about that. i guess my only point would be to forget what people might think of you and focus more on what god thinks of you. he thinks you’re pretty awesome and loves you no matter what. you could wear plaid shorts and a striped shirt and while i think he’d laugh at you, i know he’d still love you and think you were pretty awesome. who cares if the cool kids two tables over are laughing at you? if the creator of the two cool kids thinks you’re pretty cool, why does it matter what the cool kids think of you?
say your prayers and take your vitamins.
have a nice day.
Ya know what Johnathan? We all struggle with this internal “I do it but I shouldn’t but I do then I stop but I do it” in many things. For some it’s drugs, alcohol, food, cheezels, porn. There is a lot to be said that as long as it stays internal and does not affect how you treat your fellow human beings, then is it truly a problem?
It sounds like your struggle has been gnawing at the essential person who you want to be as a gentleman and yes, this is a problem for you then.
I’ve been struggling with an alcohol addiction for years. Well, only struggling in the last two as I’ve stopped drinking altogether. Doesn’t mean I don’t still want it, but I know that I am fundamentally a BETTER PERSON without it. So, logically, I shouldn’t drink. I don’t hurt anyone else, haven’t lost all my treasures in life… but I”m healthier and happier without that in my life.
Sounds like you’re going through a similar struggle.
To help myself out, I’ve started trying new hobbies. Fill in the time I used to drink more regularly with other distractions. And an interesting thing – for every “bad” habbit there’s about 1000 new ones that are socially acceptable!
I’ve started doing Facebook farmville. It’s stupid. It’s a time waste. But I just LOVE gardening without making a mess! =)
I’ve also done some tactile hobbies – crafting. It’s keeping me and my mind busy – and cheaper in the long run than drinking, that’s for sure!
Anyway – good luck and I wish you all the best for your future!
Reader number 106.
Gak, the above comment was for your “you said I’d be okay” blog.
But you know? We all worry about what others think.
And you what the others are thinking? What YOU are thinking of about THEM!
We’re absolutely obsessed to make sure we’re not doing anything wrong, somehow sticking out from the crowd, drawing attention, not getting acceptance from our peers.
Sounds like high school doesn’t it? It never goes away sadly. My parents always told me “it’d be better when you’re grown up.” I think they meant simply they wouldn’t have to patch my emotions back together every day.
Check your internal gratitude list. Are you satisfied and comfortable with who you are? The stuff those others, they’re too insecure to be healthy friends anyway probably.
Don’t forget the sunscreen!
i’m guessing this comment was supposed to be for the post over this but hey, it’s cool.
one of my favorite quotes, and it’s something i’ve put on here before and something i’ve used when i spoke at a church is:
whatever it is that hooks in you, you will never be free from it until you find something that you want more. it’s not about getting rid of desire. it’s about giving ourselves to bigger and better and more powerful desires.
it goes with exactly what you’re saying.
what’s that saying i always heard growing up? idle hands are the devil’s tools.” it’s one of those things that i never understood growing up but i know now.
thanks a ton for reading and even more for the comment.
(and by the way, i saw your second comment while typing this.)