you are ever faithful

this entry is one that’s kind of hard to write but it’s what’s been on my mind lately. i’ll go ahead and warn you that it’s not happy. it’s not upbeat. it’s not me complaining about anything. it’s just a hard subject to think about and that’s why i want to write about it.

last week a friend of mine’s dad, who is a police officer, was shot. i’m not going to go into details, but he was in very critical condition. the friend called me and unfortunately i missed the call and she didn’t leave a message. at the time i didn’t know what was going on so i didn’t think anything of it. later that night is when i found out he was shot. i kept meaning to call her back and kept forgetting.

but i didn’t forget to pray.

i was walking into walmart yesterday about 2:15 or so. before i went in, i looked down at my phone and saw that i had a voicemail. i called my voicemail, put in my password, and i heard my mom, crying, say

bubba, call me as soon as you can. bye.

immediately my first thought was that something had happened to my grandpa. i didn’t think the worst, but i knew if my mom was calling me crying that something that wasn’t good happened.

i called her back immediately. her first words were, “peepaw had a stroke.”

ok, that’s what i expected to hear, but it still hit me hard like you would expect it too. at the time my mom didn’t know many of the details except that they were on the way to the hospital and all of that.

there really wasn’t anything for me to do.

except to pray.

two separate situations. two separate families effected. one family that i was a member of and another family that i knew and cared deeply about at least one member of it.

and all i could do was pray.

but how was i supposed to pray? what was i supposed to pray for? i didn’t want to be selfish and pray for selfish things but at the same time, i didn’t want to put god in a box. i didn’t really know what to say. so i did what i’ve always done in that situation:

i just talked to god.

after i read on twitter and in the newspaper what had happened to my friend’s dad, i said a quick prayer for her and her family and asked god to put his arms around them, give them the peace that only he can bring, and do whatever it was that he saw necessary in this situation.

i hung up the phone with my mom and walked into walmart. i walked around looking for what i came but the entire time i was talking to god. i was just laying it all on the table.

god, i don’t know why this happened but you do. you know the reason for this and you know how it’s going to play out. he’s my grandpa so i’d love for you to heal him and have him walk out of the hospital tonight and i know that if you wanted that to happen that it would. but more than that, i want you to do whatever it is you want. you have a reason for this happening that i don’t know of and that i likely wouldn’t even comprehend. so here’s what i’m gonna do, i’m going to ask that your will be done. whatever it is that you want, i want it. but i need you to help me understand whatever it is. i need you to help my mom, my dad, my brother and sister. i need you to help my grandma. this is hard for all of us but you are good and everything that you do is good so no matter what happens, i know it will be for your good. just help us understand it and be there to comfort us. don’t let us forget that you’re in control of this whole thing. no matter what, you’ll come out on top of this.

for someone that didn’t know how to pray or what to pray for, i had a peace about me as i walked out of walmart. since then, i haven’t worried about my grandpa. i’ve called home and asked for updates. i’ve planned to go home and see him tomorrow. but i haven’t worried.

unfortunately, my friend’s dad passed away earlier tonight. he was a career police officer who gave his life for public service. i say unfortunately because i know she’s hurting right now. i know that her mom and her sister are hurting right now. i know that there’s an entire community of people that are hurting right now. and that sucks. that sucks more than i can ever imagine.

but i know that god is good. and i know that he’s going to use this situation for his glory. god is going to use that police sergeant’s death for some type of good. i don’t know what it is. but god does, and that’s what matters.

my grandpa seems to be doing pretty well. he’s all there mentally and comprehending everything but there are some physical struggles still going on that are too be expected. like i said, i’m not worrying. that man has more faith in god than any other person i’ve ever been around in my entire life. he knows that god’s got his hand in all of this and that there is a purpose for it all.

there are some things through this whole situation that god’s put on my mind. they’re things i’ve been thinking about and thinking through that i know are from him. i’m still praying about them and still trying to figure them all out, but i can tell i’m making progress.

life sucks sometimes. things happen that aren’t fair. we’re forced to go through struggles that we feel like we shouldn’t have to. luckily god has our back though, and he’s not going anywhere. while we don’t understand things, and we don’t get why they happened, he’s standing there saying “hey, come over here. i’m gonna put my arms around you while you’re hurting and i’m gonna be there while you go through this. then when the time’s right, i’m going to show you exactly why this happens. you’ve just gotta trust me.”

while i’ve had trouble trusting people over the past year or so, i know that i can trust god no matter what.

and that’s why i’m not worrying about things.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.

-jonathan

just as a side note, keep the family of my friend in your prayers. i love that girl to death and hate to see anything bad happen to her. it’s not fair for her family right now but i truly believe everything i said in this post. god’s got something planned out of this.

the twelve of you that read this are awesome. thanks a ton.