walls we couldn’t move came tumbling down
i started this blog in march of 2009. it’s now four years later and most of the people reading now had no clue i even existed in 2009. on fridays, from now until i run out of posts, i’m going to be reposting some of my favorite posts from when i started writing until i got to knoxville in 2010. it’s my story of growing up. hopefully you enjoy it.
originally posted april 15, 2009
so have you ever had that moment in church where it’s like a tv show and everything around you disappears and it’s just you and god? that happened to me tonight and now i’m going to tell you about it.
most people reading this know the story of me and my ex and how it ended and all of that good stuff. i’ve written over and over about the process of getting over it, letting go, and moving on. even while i write this, i can honestly say i’ve done all of that. i’ve got over it. i’ve let go. i’ve moved on.
that doesn’t mean things don’t hurt or bother me.
whenever i get going right with god and i’ve got that, “hey god, let’s do this. let’s change the world.” attitude, i’m always reminded about what happened. a couple of weeks ago when i was on the way back from c3 after a great day i just sat there talking to god. i was ready to go jump in and do whatever god wanted me to. i was on a huge jesus high and it felt great. then i passed the ashley turner plaza. are you kidding me? a shopping center named after her? great. that led to all kinds of thoughts coming back that i didn’t want to think about. for the next day or two, i just kept getting those thoughts again and i couldn’t figure out why.
fast forward a little bit. i kept getting the thoughts and they kept getting me down. they didn’t make me all depressed like they used to, but they still cut a little bit. today i was talking to a friend of mine about church and different jesus things and the thoughts came back. that’s when i realized that this was my temptation. this was the thing that the dude downstairs knew he could use to get me to get my eyes off of god and on something else. i walked into coach gomes’ office (he’s our pastor for the football department) and was talking to him about some stuff and that’s when i said, “i’ve noticed that whenever i get going good, my temptations come to light more than any other time.”
tonight at church, i decided i was done with that.
brentwood may do communion like your church. they may not. the way they do it is they have the tables set up at the front of the church for you to come up and get your bread and drink to take communion. before they do that, they stop everything and give each person a chance to just talk to god. then, when they’re ready, they can come up and get their stuff and take communion. it was during this time that everything went away and it was me and god.
i sat there in my seat and said, “hey, look, i know why this is happening. i don’t like it. i can’t overcome that temptation alone. i’m ready to get dirty and start working for you and doing what you’ve called me to do, but i. need. help.”
i’m a big believer in communion. i believe it symbolizes a lot. tonight, for me, it symbolized me admitting my problems and my temptations and giving them over so that i didn’t have to deal with them alone. i walked up, got my bread and juice, came back to my seat, prayed over it, and took it. then i prayed again. i just said thank you over and over because i knew that my prayer had been answered.
then god’s sense of humor came out.
the band started playing again after everyone took communion. not only did they start playing, but they started playing my ex’s favorite praise and worship song. i’m sitting there thinking, “alright, really? is this really happening?” at that time, it’s like god said to me, “hey, do you believe i can do this or not?” i stopped singing for a second and laughed. then i went back to singing louder than before because i knew what god was doing. it’s one of those moments that i look back at now an hour later and can’t help but laugh. the song mentioned moving a mountain, and i know that tonight, a mountain was moved for me.
i always try to end these things with some type of way that you can use it. tonight i just want to remind you that god’s bigger than us. the stuff he can do is so much more than we can. we’ve just gotta believe that and ask. it sounds so simple but yet we never do it.
say your prayers and take your vitamins.
have a nice day.