some nights are great. everything goes your way. you laugh. you have a good time. everything goes the way it’s supposed to.

then there are nights that suck. for whatever reason, you just can’t kick that down feeling that you have. tv or movies kinda mask it for a little bit, but in the end, the night sucked and you went to bed early.

and you know what? i’m perfectly fine with that. the crappy nights make the better nights better. it’s part of life. things can’t be great all of the time.

with that being said, this is one of those nights.

i’ve sat back and wondered why tonight was bad and what the problem was and it led to me thinking about other things and other things and other things. there are things on the surface that made tonight kinda suck, but there are things deeper than that and it really boils down to one point.

i’m the type of person that once i see something i want, i do what i can to get it. i’m persistant. i go after it hard.

ok, what’s your point?

i stopped running from god in mid-january. that’s not that long ago. but ever since then, i’ve had this thing growing inside me that’s gotten bigger every day that makes me want to get out there and start doing this stuff and making an impact on people. i went to brentwood to try to work with the youth there but because i was graduating in december, they wouldn’t let me. other places make you commit to a year. i’m graduating early so that i can get out in a church somewhere earlier but i can’t get in a church here because i’m graduating early. it sucks. it really does.

i used to want to stay at liberty for, well, ever. i didn’t wanna leave lynchburg. i was looking for a job at liberty and wouldn’t have minded at all to be a “lifer” here. for the past few months i’ve been to the point where i can’t wait til i get out of here. i can’t wait til i get my degree and can get out and start working and start doing this thing that i know i’m supposed to be doing. this time last year, i had so many things holding me to this city. right now, there really isn’t anything. the girl’s gone. i’m getting my ring from football in a week and a half. i’ve got people i can semi-trust handing the lunatics off to. and most of all, i’m ready to grow up. it’s time for me to grow up. i’ve been fighting off being an adult for the longest time but to tell you the truth, i’m looking forward to it.

in reality, eight or nine months isn’t that long. it really isn’t. a month and a half or so from now i’ll be down in georgia for ten weeks. then after that there’s training camp and football season, followed by thanksgiving and the first few weeks of basketball. then i’ll be done with school. to me though, that eight months seems like eight years.

truth be told, if i were to go out and find a job at a church i could take it and finish my degree up online. it’s a residential degree but i’ve been told by professors they would work with me and do independent study, etc so that i can take the job. i guess technically i could pursue something and send out resumes and all of that, but the chances of something coming through are about as good as me getting a date for friday night. with school and financial check-in and all of that, it’d be a huge hassle as well.

if something comes up, and i feel it’s right, i’m jumping all over it. i just feel like god wants me to finish up school. i’m fine with that. i really am. i’m just really, really, really, really, really, really impatient, especially right now. after this weekend down at c3 it’s just fueled that fire even more. it feels like that one day in february when it hits 75 and makes you ready for spring but you know you’ve still got to wait another month or two until it gets there.

god’s time is perfect. we all know that. we saw it today with the hiring of our new coach at liberty. i’ve seen it before over and over. that doesn’t change the fact that i’m an impatient 22-year-old human being. i know my potential. i know what i can bring to the table to help a church multiply and reach people. i know that god’s got something special in store for me. that’s not cocky or arrogance, it’s just the truth. waiting on something is one of the hardest things anyone can do, but the wait is sometimes what makes it worth it, just like the bad nights make the good ones great. (see how i tied that all together? i am awesome.)

anyways, that’s what was on my mind for tonight. thank you for reading. i really do appreciate it. i got my first e-mail from someone who read this the other day and thought that was awesome. if you’re reading and liking what i’m writing, please let me know. it means a lot to know that people are actually taking the time to read this.

as always, say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.