tuesday night i was driving up to lynchburg from king. i had been on the road probably an hour and twenty minutes or so. i was on a back road just north of martinsville. it was the middle of nowhere really, just two lanes, trees, me, and god.

i had seen my grandpa earlier in the day. i had gotten the awesome present for my birthday that i talked about in my last post (read it if you haven’t yet). i was worried about my grandpa. i was worried about my brother and sister. i was worried about my parents. i was worried about my grandma. all of these were normal feelings.

so i’m driving along and i get this urge to put on what i call my jesus music. my jesus music is actually just worship rock (starfield, fee, etc). i don’t normally listen to praise and worship much. it’s just not me.

but i turned it on anyway.

and then i started singing along.

before i knew it, i was thirty minutes up the road with a sore throat from singing the songs so loud. i had been beating on my steering wheel along with the beat. there were times i had to remember i was driving because i would start to close my eyes to sing with the music. i just got lost in singing about and to jesus. there was no one else around. no one could hear me. it didn’t matter how bad i sang. i sang the stuff so passionately that i started coughing a few times because my throat was strained.

today before our game i was in my office setting up for the video board and i get a call from my dad. i knew if he was calling that close to game time it wasn’t good. and it wasn’t. he told me some stuff that literally scared me. i immediately left the building, walked across the football stadium, climbed through the stands, and went and met my boss. through fighting back tears, i told him what was going on. we talked for a minute and i decided to stay and do the game. my sister was out in the parking lot so i ran out there and told her to go ahead and go home and helped her get off campus.

then i had to go back to work.

the great thing about working at a christian university is that everyone kept saying they were praying for me. when i got back inside our football building, i grabbed our chaplain. i pulled him in his office and told him what was going on and he said, “let’s have prayer.”

so that’s what we did.

we sat in his office and prayed. his prayer was a lot the same of what mine was. after he was done, he gave me a hug and told me he loved me and said if i needed anything to let him know.

then i went back to work.

pregame happened. the game happened. postgame happened. and then i was done working. six hours had gone by and i could call and check on my grandpa.

i got to my car, by myself, and called my mom. she asked how i was and if we won. i didn’t answer and just asked how my grandpa was doing. she told me and it was better than i expected. there’s still a long, long, long way to go, but for that moment, it was good.

after i got off the phone with her i had to walk back into my other office and drop off equipment. as i’m walking through the parking lot, across the road, and up the hill to my office, i noticed that i was singing. i was singing one of the songs i had listened to on tuesday night. i also noticed that i was smiling.

when i got in my car to go home, i started playing the music again and sang to it.

when i got home, i put it on the computer and have been listening to it for almost an hour.

i’m not going to say that things are good because the truth is they’re not. i’m scared. i’m worried. i’m confused. i’m a lot of emotions that i’m not sure about.

but what i am sure about is that god is good and he has his hand in this. i am sure of the fact that through anything, he deserves to be praised. i am sure that when i go to him with a humble and worshipful heart that he’s there for me and that he listens and that he wraps his arms around me like a giant snuggie. those are things i am sure of.

i used to be embarrassed of things like this. i didn’t want to be labeled as one of “those christians.” but not anymore. i’m not embarrassed to say that through all of this crap, through all of these tears, jesus is who has gotten me through it. he is the reason i can sleep. he is the reason i can smile. and he is the reason i know that in the end, through whatever happens, it will be good.

and sometimes it just feels good to sing about that really loud and really bad.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.