i’m so excited i’m so excited i’m so scared
first off, yes, that is in fact a saved by the bell reference in the title. (and i guarantee google will send a bunch of unsuspecting people over here for googling that phrase.)
everyone reading this has had that week where unexpected thing after unexpected thing happened. you start out on sunday and think everything’s just going to be normal and routine and by the next saturday things have changed completely. whether you expected it or not, whether you wanted it or not, and whether you were ready for it or not, by the end of that week, your life was different.
at some point during that week you probably took a step back and said, “hey, why the heck is this happening to me? why the heck is this going on? and what the heck did i do to deserve that?”
and most of the time the things that happened during that week were all things that were negatives.
but sometimes, just sometimes, those weeks are so incredibly awesome that we’re left asking those same questions.
that week was my week last week.
in the span of four days i started dating an awesome girl, got a job, and finished all of my work for my master’s degree.
i expected to finish all of my schoolwork last week. then again, i was sort of required to finish all of it last week. the other two events were completely unexpected though.
to say i’m excited about these three things is one of the biggest understatements i could say. i am absolutely stoked about what is going on in my life. i’ve got a couple of great opportunities right in front of me and they’re exactly what i’ve been praying for. god came through in the clutch in ways better than i could have ever expected.
and that just freaks me out.
i feel like i don’t deserve all of this “good” stuff.
i feel like i’ve done too many stupid things to be rewarded like this.
i feel like i may not be ready for this.
that’s the part that freaks me out. i don’t know if i’m ready for all of this. i mean, i think i am. i’m actually pretty sure i am. i’ve been saying for months that i am and now that i have the chance to prove that i actually am ready, i’m somewhat second guessing myself.
i’ve spent a lot of time praying over the past week. i’ve also spent a good about reading my bible and just asking god to speak to me in some way. it’s through this that i’ve realized something that is so ridiculously important:
jesus couldn’t care less if we’re not “ready” for what he wants us to do.
you can look all through the bible and find examples of people who claimed to not be “ready” for whatever it is god wanted them to do. instead of god saying, “oh, you’re not ready? my bad. how bout i come back in, say, two years, nine months, and 12 days with the same opportunity? will that work with you?” god just looks at us and says, “hey. go. you’re not ready? i don’t care. i’ve got your back and this is what i want you to do.”
all we’re left to do is just go.
and that’s what i’m doing.
there are a lot of things with this relationship that scare me. there are a lot of unknowns and tough situations that are going to be unavoidable. this will be something that i will have to work for harder than anything i’ve ever worked for. while those things scare me and make me somewhat apprehensive, i have no doubt in my mind that this relationship is right and that it’s a god thing, not a me thing.
there are a lot of things with this job that scare me. there are a lot of unknowns and tough situations that are going to be unavoidable. i’m going to be in a position to help lead a large group of high school students into either making a decision to follow jesus or developing a more passionate and deeper relationship with him. that’s something that i most definitely don’t take lightly. i know i’ve been trained and been given the tools and knowledge to effectively lead but i’ve never had an opportunity to lead in this way. with that being said, i have no doubt in my mind that this job is right and that it’s a god thing, not a me thing.
i fell into a trap a few years back of saying, “god get me ready. get me ready and i’ll go.” that’s not necessarily a bad prayer and it actually worked for me. however, there are times where we have no choice but to just go and trust god to get us ready as we’re doing whatever it is he told us to do.
if we trust him and simply go, he’ll lay out the path as we’re on our way.
and that’s exactly what i’m banking on.
i don’t know where this relationship is going exactly. i know where it could go but i don’t know the individual steps it will take to get there. god does though.
i don’t know where this job is going exactly. i know where it could go but i don’t know the individual steps it will take to get there. god does though.
i’ve just got to listen and go.
god will fill me in on the rest when he’s ready.
say your prayers and take your vitamins.
have a nice day.