Giving up to grow up; or how I committed digital suicide

When I was in high school, my friends gave me a nickname: SuperJon. It started as a joke but ended up sticking in a way that weird high school nicknames stick. My high school girlfriend even gave me a Superman t-shirt with “SuperJon” across the back.

Over time SuperJon developed into a persona. It was a different part of me that I channeled when needed. It was the loud, outgoing, energetic side that people saw in public. For most, this was the side of me they met first. SuperJon was my way of putting up a barrier and keeping people from knowing the real me.

It wasn’t until I was about to graduate college that I started becoming comfortable with Jonathan. I wrestled with trying to be true to who I really was even though that’s not the guy most people knew.

Would people like Jonathan?

Would they be okay with his moodiness and raw honesty?

Or would they rather have the sarcastic fun guy? The guy willing to paint his face at a football game. The one who made everyone laugh and smile.

As I began to grow up, I started embracing Jonathan more and more. I learned who God created me to be and what my purpose was. I didn’t have to be the snarky know-it-all to be accepted because God already accepted the real me. I could be true to my struggles and fears because everyone has them even if they don’t show them.

But there’s been one place that SuperJon continued to live: online.

I’ve said many times that I grew up on message boards and love being a message board nerd. Having discussions with digital friends is fun for me even though I know it’s dumb and unproductive.

One of the message boards I visit is for where I went to college. I love my school and love getting to keep up with what’s happening on campus through the board.

But lately I’ve noticed some of the negative traits of SuperJon appearing.

The snarkiness.

The prideful arrogance.

The defensiveness.

These are all traits I’ve worked hard to overcome and get rid of. But no matter how hard I fought it, they kept coming back up in post after post on the message board.

So I made a decision:

I had to kill SuperJon online. 

I sent a message to my friend who ran the message board and asked him to delete my account. I told him why and he understood. But he made sure to ask if I was willing to give up what has been a large part of the last ten years of my life.

I said yes.

Because sometimes, to grow up, you have to kill a part of yourself that you once loved.

Sometimes you have to give up something you love because it’s holding you back.

Sometimes you have to cut ties completely because you know you’ll go back if the bridge isn’t burned.

I like who I’m becoming so much more than who I used to be. I don’t want to be known for the things SuperJon is known for. I’d rather be known for being honest to my struggles than by a fake version of myself.

My question for you this week is simple: are you still holding on to past versions of yourself that are keeping you from becoming the real you?

If so, are you willing to kill off that version?

It won’t be easy, and you’ll miss it at times, but in the end it’s worth it.

God made you to be you, not a cheap made up knock off version.

Say your prayers and take your vitamins.

Have a nice day.

-Jonathan