As I sat down to figure out what to write for this morning, I went through a number of topics in my head. I generally write with my “Worship” playlist playing in iTunes. I was brainstorming and everything trying to come up with something when the song Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship came on.
I need you to soften my heart and break me apart. I need you to open my eyes and see that you’re shaping my life. And all I am, I surrender. Give me faith to trust what you say. That you’re good and you’re love is great. I’m broken inside. I give you my life.
This song is one of my favorite worship songs. I love it and it’s incredibly true. However, as I listened to it just now, the lyrics that I’ve always sang and thought in one way suddenly started speaking to me in a completely different way than normal.
You see, I’m an intern at a church. I make an intern’s salary. In my contract it’s written that part of my compensation is an “endless supply of delicious red rope candy.” I literally get paid in candy. I think it’s pretty apparent that I’m not rolling in the Benjamins and that the only way I can make it rain is by throwing the five unopened packs of Twizzlers at my desk up in the air.
Lately, money has become something that’s been on my mind a lot. I’m not a greedy person. I don’t even really want anything. I’m perfectly content with the “stuff” that I have. However, I know that the things that I do now at the age of 24 will impact what I’m able to do at the age of 34, or 44, or 54. The decisions I make now as a single guy will impact my marriage, my children, and my family.
Unfortunately though, I’m starting from the red. Because of school and seminary and all of that, I’m in big time student loan debt. Don’t get me wrong, I think that debt was completely worth it but holy poo, it’s a big number. I also bought a car in college when I was making a lot more money than I am now. Add to that insurance, taxes, tithes, and the fact that I’d like to get married in the next 12-18 months and my financial situation right now isn’t the prettiest.
I’m sure most of you reading this right now can relate.
For some of you, you have a small business and the economy is just killing it. You’re doing whatever you can to stay afloat and keep your head above water but can’t seem to get ahead. For others, you’ve just graduated and that six month grace period is over and the student loan bills are starting to come in and you’re freaking out. Then there are the rest of you who are just starting out and are having to start at the bottom of the totem pole and work up. You may not have much debt but the money you’re bringing in isn’t enough to even be rolling in Washingtons.
Give me faith to trust what you say. That you’re good and you’re love is great.
I’ve realized that this line has to become my prayer. I’m at a point in life where I have to make big time decisions in the next month or two that will have huge impacts on my life. Not only will the decisions impact me, but they’ll also impact a lot of other people as well.
There’s a ton of pressure to get this one right.
The beauty of it though is that the God that I serve, the one that is in control of everything, is good and his love is great. He wants nothing short of the best for me and will provide what I need as long as I trust in him. I may not get everything that I want, but I will be taken care of and will get the things that I need.
I’ve just got to have faith to let him lead me.
I’ve just got to have faith to believe him.
I’ve just got to have faith to trust him.
As basic as that sounds, that’s the hard part.